During the past ten or fifteen years a great deal of attention has been given to "telling it like it is," or "letting
it all hang out."
My impression is that this overzealous devotion to speaking one's mind has more often led to hurt feelings and
ruined relationships than to great joy and fulfillment.
I think we generally agree that never expressing real feelings and repressing all less-than-lovely thoughts about
each other hardly leads to constructive communication.
It's a great relief to allow ourselves the luxury of acknowledging our human frailties and pursuing more honest
relationships with others.
But we need to strike a balance between telling it all and telling nothing.
Recently I received a letter from a mother who had been persuaded by her troubled twenty-five-year-old son to
attend a weekend marathon with him.
Under pressure from the group, her defenses collapsed and she heard herself telling her son for the first time
that he had been an accident -- that she hadn't been planning to have a child.
在群众的压力下，她的防卫崩溃了，而且她第一次听到她告诉她的儿子说他是意外得来的 -- 说她一直都没有计划要有孩子。
He in turn told her that he couldn't recall a single day in his childhood that he'd been happy.
"At that time," this woman wrote, "it seemed helpful.
We cried and we made up; I thought telling the truth had been good for us.
But the trouble is, it wasn't the whole truth.
By the time Tommy was born I did want him, and at times he was happy.
Ever since that day, we've both been haunted by some terrible feelings we shared."
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