The Fuel Behind the Bad Habit
DeLonzor dismisses the notion that people can go from being tardy to being on time easily, comparing the habit to overeating. She feels that, like overeaters, tardy folks constantly promise to change their ways but find themselves giving in again and again. Both cases are destructive, but still offer some kind of incentive that lures people back for more. In an overeater’s case, it’s the comfort associated with a certain food (or its deliciousness); for the chronically late, it depends on which of the above personality types someone classifies as. Those who crave excitement and the thrill of the chase might enjoy rushing constantly toward deadlines and appointments. Those who lack control or respect in other areas of their lives might feel more powerful knowing others are waiting on them.

The power-trip aspect of tardiness can be especially prevalent in the business world. A 2002 survey conducted by Proudfoot, a management consulting firm, showed that 2,700 CEOs polled arrive late for six out of ten meetings. No doubt, that’s partly a passive-aggressive way to emphasize their importance. But, as DeLonzor pointed out, that’s just one of many potential reasons. Michael J. Formica, MS, MA, EdM, a psychotherapist who blogs on Psychology Today’s Web site, thinks it has more to do with a lack of self-worth than anything: he believes lateness comes from people’s assuming they have little control in a situation, so they try to dominate it in a different way.

Both Proudfoot’s and Formica’s findings speak to the characteristics of the chronically tardy that DeLonzor put forth and, as with the rest of those traits, boil down to a matter of control, or lack thereof. When late people figure out why they crave such control, it becomes easier for them to manage and overcome the problem.

Dealing with the Late People in Our Lives
Once the chronically tardy figure out what’s driving them to show up late all the time (in other words, how it rewards them), they can work toward kicking the habit. Writing down how long daily tasks take, making it a goal to arrive places at least fifteen minutes early, setting up rewards for when you are on time, and not overscheduling yourself are recommended ways to begin the process.

But what about those of us who aren’t late all of the time but have tardy people in our lives—how do we deal with their bad habit? First, you should be honest (but not hostile) about the fact that the person’s chronic tardiness is a problem. If you always excuse it, she might never realize how her actions affect others. Chances are, her constant tardiness isn’t limited to spending time with you; it might be putting her job and other relationships in jeopardy, too. Try to help her find out what’s at the root of her lateness, but also let her know that the next time she’s late, you’re willing to wait for only so long. That might give her extra incentive to change.

If nothing else works, it’s okay to resort to giving someone a fake time once in a while, like telling a chronically late person to meet you at seven when you expect to meet at seven thirty. Sure, it’s enabling behavior, but if the alternative is waiting around for someone while the clock ticks slowly (and your frustration grows rapidly), I’d say it’s okay. After all, you’re not the one with a “tardiness disease.” (And neither am I, Ninth-Grade English Teacher.)

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