Blake Lively

Contrary to her last name, Ms. Lively’s acting abilities seem about on par with a grossly oversexed zombie. The girl doesn’t seem to be capable of acting in any scene that requires actual dialogue without her clothes coming off. She may have had her start in movies (awful as they were), but it’s not like she earned those either — since her father got her all the roles. She’s occupying herself with Gossip Girl these days, and, sadly, we can probably look forward to seeing a great deal more of this girl in the near future.

Olivia Wilde

The ridiculous bobble-headed egomaniac named Olivia Wilde has been scooping up fame and fortune for a few short years now, much to the dismay of humanity in general. Her big meal ticket as of late has been the ever-popular House — and it’s pretty bad when the show’s producers have a deadly malady written into your character just so they can get rid of you at the drop of a hat.

Jennifer Love Hewitt

We all remember watching Party of Five, back in the days when crappy, badly written family dramas were a dime a dozen and none of the child actors were expected to ever get a job again. Somehow, Jennifer Love Hewitt managed to pull enough strings after the show’s run to get herself more work, which blossomed into a full career in B-movie crappiness. She even attempted a music career, but that failed so miserably that it’s just not talked about — out of respect for the dead. She never quits trying though, and her most recent show The Ghost Whisperer has been airing for much longer than anyone could have anticipated. It’s also terrible, and more or less consists of her running around in a nightgown with a dramatic look on her face, for which she wins awards and gets paid large sums of money.

Hilary Duff

Hilary Duff has been playing the same role, repeatedly, since she was about ten years old. Her talent in both acting and music is about on par with that of Lindsay Lohan, except she doesn’t quite have the taste for booze, so her career is still dryly marching forward, leaving a trail of bland, forced acting in its wake. Currently floating around from project to project, she’s most notable as of late on Gossip Girl, where she fits right in with the other failed actors trying to gain relevance among the underage viewership bracket.

Hayden Panettiere

Though she’s lost a great deal of popularity since she turned 18, Hayden Panettiere is still a relatively hot ticket item in the business. Why that is, we’ll never know, but apparently a great deal of people think that she’s not only unbelievably hot, but an enticing actress to boot. The fact that so many people believe this about her makes us worry more than a bit for greater mankind, but we do feel better knowing that no other actress has managed to portray an immortal character that so many saner people want dead.

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