Four common relationship mistakes
It’s been a few months and what was just a fling has turned into a full blown relationship. Now is usually the point where things start going to the dumps and your perfect relationship ends in a fiery cloud of smoke.
This time it’s going to be different. This one is going to be really perfect and you’re not going to make the same mistakes as last time. Just make sure you’re not making any of the following common relationship mistakes or that fiery cloud is going to make its appearance once again.
1. Don’t Stand Up For Yourself
This is an all too-common habit of both men and women. The same feeling of lack of self-worth is behind this habit for both genders, but it manifests itself differently.
Some men think that in order to remain in a woman’s good graces, you have to submit to everything she wants. If they start disagreeing with her, she’ll drop him like a hot potato. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Women want a strong gentleman, not a puppy. It seems as if men believe there are only two choices: (1) the pushover who puts up with everything, and (2) the hyper-masculine a-hole. They vacillate between these two, unable to see that there’s a perfect median. They end up resenting their partner instead of loving them.
The same is true for women, except women will almost always express their resentment in the form of passive aggression. Don’t do this! There’s no need. A man doesn’t want a woman who can’t think for herself, or who pretends to agree with him and then punishes him with her passive aggressive tactics.
2. Accept Sacrifice As A Rule
Most people are under the impression that love requires sacrifice. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that relationships require work and compromise, but they never require sacrifice. Let me tell you why.
In any given situation, a sacrifice requires you to give up something you value more for something you value less. When you practice this concept in relationships it breeds resentment and anger. Instead, understand that your partner has had a life before you, and respect that he or she will not and should not change everything just because you asked.
For example, if your partner has a friend that makes you really uncomfortable because you just know that they have feelings for your partner. You have 3 choices; only one of which will lead to a healthy relationship:
Ask your partner to stop being friends with this person as a necessary sacrifice they must make to stay in a relationship with you.
Pretend like you don’t care until all hell breaks out.
Tell your partner how you feel and see how you can work together to alleviate your fears. Maybe they invite you to become friends with this person, or they decide to not do certain things together, etc. Agree to a course of action that works for both of you.
You should never feel pressured to sacrifice something you don’t want to give up for your significant other, unless your relationship is worth way more than the sacrifice. Maybe you give up smoking in the house for this person, or move across the country and give up your house because you want them in your life. Remember to do so because you want to and not because you have to.
3. Rely On Telepathy To Communicate
Contrary to popular belief, this is a relationship crime committed by both men and women equally.
Gentlemen. Please don’t assume that your partner knows that you think they’re gorgeous. Don’t assume that you don’t have to say how much you care about them. They can’t read your mind and if you don’t say it they’ll never know. So remember, say it and say it often.
Ladies. I know you think it’s romantic for your partner to know what’s bothering you, but it’s just not realistic or fair. Women want to believe that their perfect partner will just know what’s wrong or, even worse, they’ll know what to do to make it right. Trust me, we know that it ruins the fairy tale, but you’re just going to have to get over it. You’ll probably going to have to tell him when he makes you angry, because he literally doesn’t know. Yes, it’s hard to believe. I promise that he’s not ignoring you or doing something to spite you. He’s clueless. Tell him and then tell him what he can do better next time and how to make it OK this time.
4. Slack Off As Soon As Possible
Now that you’re both comfortable with each other, you start getting sloppy. Everything your partner loved about you in the beginning is starting to fade away.
Guys. Remember when you were so sweet and attentive? You were romantic and you were considerate. Where did that guy go? Why isn’t he here anymore and how can we get him back? It’s not OK to stop doing these things when you feel you’ve got her in the bag. There’s going to be a gentlemen around the corner who’s going to go the extra mile and you’ll be left in the dust.
Women aren’t off the hook either. It’s about doing the best you can with what you have and taking pride in your appearance. It sounds shallow, but you can’t expect your partner to be equally attracted to a slob and a lady. It doesn’t work that way. He’ll find a woman who loves herself and who’s willing to take care of herself for longer than 3 months.