As a divorcee, Shen, 35, spoke from the depths of her heart.
    She could not imagine any husband being so considerate or tender.
    Her failure in marriage and her divorce three years ago scared her away men and prompted her to resign from her job as a log keeper in a film studio and become a self-employed garment seller.
    What makes Shen unusual is that she make money to help deserted ids.
    Her love of children and her sympathy for the wretched stemmed fiom the day her six-year-old younger brother was crushed to death in a mishap in a warehouse near her home.

    Her sympathetic nature kept her marriage together for seven years.
    Her husband had been a clarinet player in an army band. A go-between had introduced them. One cold snowy night they deeided to get married. He had been walking her home and kept darting into shops. She grew impatient thinking he was merely wanting to buy cigarettes and she stomped off. But he ran after her and presented her with a gauze mask he had bought. for her to help keep out the cold.

    His thoughtfulness moved her to tears. He said that perhaps they should break up since she cotild not understand him. "I will marry you if that can atone for my mistake," Shen said she responded. And so the matter was sealed.
The death of a bosom fiiend seven years later marked the beginning of the end for Shen and her husband.

    As the friend lay dying of heart disease. 20 days after giving birth to a son-a pregnancy she had risked because her husband was the only son of hi, family-she asked Shen to care for the child.
    Shen promised she would, even though she had a son of her own. Her husband was strongly opposed, however. Still. Shen would often go to see the child, who was living in his grandmother's home.

    "I felt guilty when I saw the child wearing dirty clothes," Shen said." I thought the child would not have been like that had his mother been alive. "
    When the grandparents decided to send the boy to friends in Tianjin, Shen wanted to adopt him. Her husband then moved out and said he wanted a divorce.
    Shen went to Tianjin to look for the child and found him. But the family refused to give the boy up. Shen would not leave until she was convinced the child was being kindly treated and properly cared for.

    Her years of marriage had given Shen a comfortable life-style but that was all, she said. The divorce made her realize'she had feelings and ambitions again.
    Shen had once dreamed of becoming a film actress, and tried out for roles but only ended up with bit parts. She fared better on the stage with amateur troupes. But her dreams were shattered when she was refused admission to a professional art school because of her age. She was too old to learn how to act , she was told.

    New dreams filled the void of her disappiontment. She turned to helping children. She wrote to the SOS Village in Tianjin, a home for orphaned children, applying for a job as a nurse. But she was turned down because she had a son.
    She still wanted to help children but did not know how. Finding a way to make money became a practical and urgent problem. Eerly last year she started her own business as a clothing dealer, setting up a stall in west Beiing.

    Her mother did not like the idea and felt it would be bad fos.her grandson to be brought up in such an environment. She threatened to smash the stall, but gradually Shen won her over.
    "I don't want my son to follow my example," she said. " expect a lot of him. "
    She still maintains contact with her friend's son in Tianjin.

    She moved to Xidan this summer when the new Baihua Garment store pened. She now has two assistants , one of them a university graduate.
    Shen said that her business life has made her a different woman, one vho is independent and full of confidence. Friends try to get her to date but she is not interested.
    At first, she said, her distaste of marriage or love affairs was so strong that she cut her hair short and wore men's clothes.

    "I am afraid of falling in love." Shen said with a bitter smile.
    She daubts whether she eauld be a good wife , saying she woutd better as a friend or companion.
    Many of her customers have become friends. To one frequent calkr, she is Sister Shen.
    "I really love my customers," Shen said. "I do my business for the sake
of love. "

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