爱要怎么说出口

If only we’d never gone there, thought Alan. They were scrambling up the mountainside in the late afternoon heat. Alice was so tanned that she looked as if she had lived on the Mediterranean for months, while he, being fair, had turned a blotchy, peeling.

阿兰心里想道：要是我们从未到过那个地方该多好啊。在下午后半晌的炎热中，他们向山坡上爬去。爱丽丝被晒得黑黝黝的，看上去就像在地中海上住过几个月似的；而阿兰原本细皮嫩肉，这时身上已经变得红一块白一块，脱了一层皮。

He looked up at the mountainside, the path twisting upwards towards the cairn cross, the white heat bleaching the rock. Why on earth couldn’t they talk about it? Why couldn’t he even accuse her?

他抬头向山坡望去，只见小路盘旋而上通向那个圆锥形十字石碑，炽热的阳光将岩石晒得发白。他们究竟为什么不能谈那件事？他为什么连责骂她都不能呢？

He had thought it was going to be all right. But it was as if the heat had drained their love.

他原以为一切都会好的，但好像酷热已经将他们的爱抽干。

At home they had been so blissfully happy that he now realized it couldn’t have lasted. She comes to his school from the Midlands because her family had split up. An only child, living with her father, trying to look after him, lonely, depressed, anxious, she had come to Alan to be healed. At least, that’s what he liked to think. Had he healed her? No. Tom had, even though Alan loved her with all the passion. Now his hatred for both of them was as strong as his love.

在家时，他们曾是多么幸福。现在他意识到那不会再继续下去了。由于家庭破裂，她从内陆来到他的学校。作为独生女，她和她的父亲住在一起，尽力去照顾他。她孤独无依、无精打采、愁眉苦脸，经常到阿兰那里去排除忧伤。至少他喜欢这样认为。他为她解忧了吗？没有。是汤姆，即使阿兰曾付出所有的激情爱着她。如今他对他们俩的爱就像他的恨一样强烈。

“Coming,”Alan looked at his watch. Five, The crickets would start singing soon. He walked on, the sweat pouring into his eyes. Knowing she had opened the bottle of mineral water. Would she let him catch up with her? An even greater misery seized him. It reminded him of the night he made himself drunk on the rough local wine his parents bought in the village. His heart had ached then, too, and his sense of loss had increased as he relived each minute of a day when Tom and Alice had seemed to draw closer and closer together.

“来了。”阿兰看了看手表。已经5点了。蛐蛐儿马上就要开始鸣唱了。他继续向上走，汗水源源不断地流到了眼里。他知道她已经打开那瓶矿泉水。她会让他跟上她吗？一种更大的痛苦折磨着他。这使他想起那天晚上他用父母亲从村里买的粗制的当地酒将自己灌醉的情景，那时他的心也在发痛。每当他想起爱丽丝和汤姆越来越亲近的时候，他的失落感就会与日俱增。

He walked faster. Here, a few miles away on the bare mountainside, there was arid space, and the olive groves, clustered in the stone-cluttered valleys below.

他走得越来越快。他为山顶上那些中世纪的城堡而欢呼雀跃。放眼望去，离那座山几里远的地方有一块空地，在山谷的乱石丛中生长着一小片橄榄林。

“Come on!”

“跟上！”

“Coming.”

“来了。”

Alan strode doggedly on, looking down at his red, peeling legs, thinking of Tom’s strong, straight, brown ones.

阿兰仍顽强地大步前行，他低头看了一眼自己被晒红的、脱了皮的两腿，想起了汤姆强健挺拔的棕色的双腿。

Suddenly he had turned the corner by the stone shelter. He could see her waiting for him. If Tom were here, they would be together, mocking him, looking at each other, leaving him alone. As he strode self-consciously on Alan focused his mind on her.

突然，他拐到石头后面一块隐蔽的地方。他看到她正在等他。如果汤姆也在这里的话，他们一定会站在一起嘲笑他，相互凝望着，把他丢在一边。当他拘谨地向前走的时候，他将注意力都集中在她的身上。

“Where’re we going to camp?”She was sitting on an outcrop, her slim body supple and salt-caked. Her legs were swinging and he longed to run his hands over them. Instead he imagined Tom doing that and hot, angry tears filled his eyes.

“我们到哪里去宿营？”她坐在一块突出的岩石上。她的苗条的身材丰满，咸咸的。她的腿在那里晃来晃去。他真想将自己的手在那上面滑动。而他却想象着汤姆那样做的情景。顿时，愤怒的泪水充满了他的眼睛。

“Alice,”he cried out. “Alice!?” No response. Alan began to run.

“爱丽丝，”他喊道，“爱丽丝！”没有回音。阿兰开始跑了起来。

It was only when he was back at the front door of the monastery that he realized there was one place he had not been to. His heart thumping and his throat dry, he went down the steps.

正当他惊恐地返回到那座庙的前门时，他意识到还有一个地方他没有去找。他的心砰砰直跳，嗓子发干。他走下台阶。

Now he ran eagerly forward, pushing his way through the foliage. He gave a gasp of relief. She was there, lying on the pine needles.

他急不可待地跑上前，推开树叶，看到她在那里，躺在松叶上，心里松了一口气。

“Alice.”

“爱丽丝。”

She woke slowly, sleepily, stretching in the sun. “Sorry—I fell asleep.”

她慢慢地醒来了，睡眼朦朦地在太阳下伸伸懒腰。“对不起——我睡着了。”

“Where the hell have you been?”

“你究竟到哪里去了？”

“I went for a walk.”

“我出去走了走。”

He held up the bracelet and the ring.“I found these.”He was angry, positive. She looked away.“Come on .Why did you do it?”I’ve been searching for you. I thought—I thought you’d been kidnapped or something. Been hurt?

他举起手镯和戒指。“我找到了这些东西。”他很生气，这一点是肯定的。她转移了视线。“得了吧，你为什么这样做？我一直在找你，我还以为——我还以为你被绑架或者别的什么了呢。受到了什么伤害了吗？”

I’m sorry.”

“对不起。”

“That’s not enough.”

“说‘对不起’就够了。”

“I laid a trail.”

“我留有痕迹。”

“You did what?”He was outraged.

“你到底做了什么呀？”他怒气冲冲的。

“I wanted you to find me.”

“我想让你找我。”

“I was terrified—I thought—”

“我当时很害怕——我还以为——”

“I’m sorry.” She stood up. “I suppose I wanted to frighten you.”

“对不起，”她站起来。“我想我原来只想吓唬吓唬你。”

“Why ?” he barked at her.

“为什么？”他大声问道。

She looked away again. “I didn’t think you wanted me any more.”

她又一次转移了目光。“我还以为你不会再要我了呢。”

“Wanted you?”

“要你？”

“You haven’t spoken to me. You seemed so cold. Indifferent somehow.”

“你没有对我说过，你似乎很冷淡，在某种程度上无动于衷。”

“But it’s you who were indifferent. ”

“可无动于衷的是你。”

She looked genuinely amazed.“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

她看上去真的很吃惊。“我真不知道你在说什么。”

“I thought you wanted Tom. Didn’t want to be with me.”His voice broke.

“我还以为你想要汤姆，不想和我在一块哩。”他的声音沙哑。

“I thought you found him—more fun.”

“我还以为你找他——开心去了呢。”

“Him? Oh, he’s a baby. I was lonely, I suppose. You seemed so fed up with me. I didn’t realized it would —oh , Alan.” She got up and drew him to her , kissing him so hard on the lips.“You are such a bloody fool.” I love you—don’t you know?

“他？噢，他还是一个小毛孩子。我很孤独，我想，你好像很烦我，我没有意识到那么——噢，阿兰。”她站起来，将他拉向自己，深深地吻起了他的嘴唇。“你真是个大傻瓜。我爱你——难道你不知道吗？”

“Why did you come here?”he asked.

“你怎么来到这了?”他问道。

“I was wandering about. I couldn’t sleep. Look—”She knelt down and stared at the Latin inscription on the two solitary graves.“Who are they?”she asked.

“我是随便走走。我睡不着。瞧——”她跪下来，盯着前面的两座孤坟的拉丁碑文问道：“他们是什么人？”

“I don’t know. I’ve often wondered. Dom Carols Fuenta —he’s definitely a monk. But the odd thing is that he’s buried alongside a woman.” He paused and then went on.“Maria Degardes. He was buried in 1892. She was in 1894.”

“我不知道。我也总是想知道。多姆·卡罗斯·福恩塔——他肯定是一个和尚，但奇怪的是，他和一个女人葬在一起。”他暂停了一下，然后接着说道：“玛丽姬·德加斯。他葬于1892年，而她葬于1894年。”

“Were they lovers?”

“他们是情人吗？”

“I used to make up stories that they were.”

“我过去经常想给他们编编故事。”

“I was just thinking. A silly thought. I expect you’ll laugh.”

“我刚才在想。是一个愚蠢的想法，我想你会笑我的。”

“Try me.”

“说说看。”

“Suppose we lived here for the rest of our lives and when we died we were buried here. But in one grave. Together.”

“假如我们今后生活在这里，我们死后就埋在这里，但要在一块。合葬。”

Alan took Alice’s face in his hands and kissed her on the lips.

阿兰双手捧起爱丽丝的脸，在她的嘴唇上亲吻起来。